21 7 / 2014
"I’m tired of being sad about you," she said quietly to herself, resolving from here on out that things would be different.
09 7 / 2014
REPOST from my new series on Medium:
I’ve spent a good chunk of my life trying to be someone worth loving. Only now am I realizing I was worth it all along.
In my mind I’ve always been just a few steps away from being desirable. Lose 15 pounds, get better at flirting, and wear more skirts— then someone will pick you. It sounds childish, I know. But sadly at 25 so much of that logic still rings true.
“Just a little bit longer,” I tell myself after another rejection. In a few years you’ll be unstoppable. As if the person I am now isn’t actually enough. That’s the trouble with viewing your life as a race instead of a timeline. When your life is a race you are frantically trying to get to the finish line. When your life is a race, nothing matters until the end. Essentially, you don’t matter unless you’ve reached some preconceived notion of your own happiness. For me, it’s always been about being in a relationship.
For some reason I got it in my head that I wasn’t really somebody unless somebody wanted me. But to be honest, that’s bullshit. Lately I’ve been learning that life is more like a timeline than it is a race. Where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be, a marker on the story that is your life. You are not any more or any less because someone finds you beautiful, interesting, or engaging.
Is it nice to be wanted? Sure. Is it necessary? Absolutely not.
In this life, there’s really only one rule: you do you. It’s not about being selfish, or disregarding the needs of others. You do you is not an excuse to turn inward, but rather a mandate to put yourself first. You are perfectly good, whole, and desirable just being you. So you do you, and everything will turn out just fine.